My name is Jade, a proud wife and mother to Cosima. I am the creator and host of the ‘It’s a Mind Game’ podcast. As a qualified personal trainer and wellness coach who has overcome my own battles with eating disorders and hypothalamic amenorrhea, I now create a space for women to not only recover their period but to discover their true authentic self and create a life they love living.

I (possibly like you) dieted for MANY years and trained for many hours every day resulting in 6 years of hypothalamic amenorrhea, eating disorders and all-consuming anxiety. After completing my PT course I decided to compete in a bodybuilding show. I decided it would be a great way to showcase my knowledge, achieve the body of my dreams and essentially live happily ever after.

12 weeks after this decision I was ‘stage ready’ and for the first time I loved how I looked (this didn’t last long). I noticed the more my body transformed the more friends and family admired my motivation, determination, and daily training routine. I enjoyed these compliments and felt a sense of pride when people would say my ‘healthy habits’ were having a positive influence on their life. These observations morphed overtime and I began to believe people only liked and valued me for my ‘fit’ identity. I also began to believe that my clients would only trust my advice and employ me as their personal trainer if a looked a certain way. These beliefs cornered me in to thinking I MUST be strong, fit and lean to be loved, happy, and successful. This decision led me into a spiral of chronic dieting and over exercising.

Being Bulimic was one of the worst times of my life. I remember moments when I would be at work planning what food I was going to buy on my way home. I knew which foods were easy to purge so I would prioritise those. I remember looking forward to eating all the ‘cheat’ foods without the weight gain (Yes, early on I could justify the binge and purge behaviour). As time went on my bulimia got worst and my mental health began to deteriorate.

Bulimia soon felt was like someone or something was hijacking my brain, I had no control over it. It was like a switch was flicked and I would be dissolved by this compulsion to binge. I would eat until I felt like my stomach would explode then as the discomfort reached its peak I would go and purge. I would cry as I hugged the toilet making sure I got every bit of food out of the system. I would keep purging until there was nothing but biol left. By the time I was done I was so disgusted with myself. I would cry and shake on the floor as I helplessly worked my way out of an anxiety attack. Once I composed myself, I would leave the bathroom and carry on with my day plagued by what I had just experienced. I would promise myself to never, ever, do it again… but I kept doing it…

Fast forward, I overcome my bulimia by working hard to rewire my thoughts, change my behaviour patterns and learn to control my emotions rather than letting them control me. Surprisingly enough I learnt by allowing myself to feel my emotions I was able to resolve both internal and external conflict. I must admit while I healed my bulimia, I did move into other disordered eating habits such as fasting, and an even bigger list of ‘cheat foods and more training. This was still a big and liberating step for me though because I was no longer bulimic and honestly, I felt great! 

Despite feeling like I was on top of the world I was not yet healthy and more self-exploration, and healing was yet to come.

Upon the discovery of the book ‘No period, Now What’ I learnt about Hypothalamic Amenorrhea and how to treat it. I felt some level of peace knowing there was a reason for my absent period however the treatment method of ‘Eat More, Train Less’ had me feeling quite hostile. I spent 11 months in quasi recovery working hard on my mindset, rewiring my thoughts, challenging my fears, and redefining who I truly was. There were times I felt like I was being punished and often thought ‘why me?’, then there were also times when I felt triumphant and free; those were the moments I lived for. Eventually the mindset work led me to having the confidence to go ‘all in’ and weeks later I had my first recovery period in 6 years. This was just the beginning of a totally free and beautiful life. In hindsight I can see that HA and ED’s did not happen to me, they happened for me!

Three years on from beginning my HA recovery I am living a life I never thought was possible. I enjoy moments with friends and family wholeheartedly. I can be present in the moment and enjoy being alone with my own thoughts. Choosing what food to eat and when to eat it is not an easy task.

I train to feel good, and I love it! I am full of energy; my body is not constantly aching, I sleep well, my days are fun, and most importantly I LOVE and ACCEPT my body. It is now my mission to help other women recover their period, restore their health, and become the person they have always wanted to be.